A Brief Comment, To My Birthmother!

I have wanted to write to you for a long time, but now that I have a son, I want him to have a general idea of who you are. I'm 47 years old, and have a son named Mark, who was born in Anand, India. Although we have met, less than a handful of times, I don't know much about you except from what I have pieced togather. You are between 65-67 years old, and your mother left you, just as you left the four of us. Your mother was an only child, who was left alone, when alcoholism robbed her of her parents. Your grandparents were born in the 1800's, so they were not that far removed from slavery, although the ramifications have pretty much destroyed your family. Its so hard to gather my thoughts without my mind drifting back to the parents who raised me. I remember their smell, what type of clothes they liked to wear, what food they liked to eat, and vacations that we took, what their political interests were, and what we did as children, to get on their nerves. I thought at some point you would ask us about our life, but I guess it is to awkward, or maybe its just too painful.

What do I tell my son, since you still are alive? That you live in New Jersey, with your children and grandchildren. I can tell him that you were married to our biological father, who we met 3 years ago, who has since died. Do I tell him that alcohol and drugs were the life that you both chose. I would like for him to know more about you than a paragraph or two, or the hollowness that I feel when your name is ever mentioned. If there were one thing in the world, that I would like for you to do for me, that is please just say that you are sorry for any pain that you may have caused.