Friday, May 15, 2009

No, I'm Not The Nanny!!!!

Yesterday, Mark and I went meet my girlfriend for lunch at a popular spot in Columbia, Md. As soon as we walked into the door and saw my girlfriend she immediately reached out to hold Mark because she had not seen him in a couple of weeks. When we got to the counter for the young girl to take our order, she immediately asked my girlfriend who is 20 years older than me how old Mark was. My girlfriend pointed to me and said that I was his mother. The girls face behind the counter then took on a look of shock and awe. I really didn't realize until yesterday that when this happens, I begin to feel sullen inside. My friend who is a journalist just asked me a couple of weeks ago, if this was an issue at all for me, and I think then, I was trying to hold those feelings at bay. I don't want to wear a t-shirt that states, No, I'm not the nanny, No, I'm not the maid. YES I'M THE MOTHER!! I do realize that is is very unusual to see a black women, with an extremly fair skinned child. It is more acceptable to see a white women, with a black child, who may have come from Ethopia, and people know that the child is adopted. The plot line for the Ethopian child is easy to figure out whereas mine is not. However, I don't want to have to explain my story to strangers, nor feel agnst when I get outside of my doors.

I have to learn to put the same armour on for my son,that I have for my husband, who is white. Inside, my head the FU factor is permanently enshrined into my ceberal cortex as if it were part of my DNA. The reality is that I have had over 18 years to develop that, with Colin and only 7 months with Mark. My fair skinned son, with his hazel eyes, and two little bottom teeth is the love of my life. Amani, I finally understand what you were trying to say with your blog, sorry if I misjudged you.


iN_CMz4Qq5fLSNth6VeKgah_fVjSVaGoUQ-- said...

You don't need to explain anything to anyone. When people make stupid comments like the counter girl, they are only exposing their shallowness and low intelligence. Today we live in a world where family is defined by those we care to bring into our lives, NOT those that share similar DNA strands. Mark is your baby, you are his mother. Period end of discussion.

Angelicamom said...

I have had people ask me if I was Uma's grandmother! At least with that I can tell the, I must be a young grandmother at 37. :)

crystal said...

Thanks, Sweetie!! You hardly look like Uma's grandmother, people just should keep their mouth closed sometimes. I oten think about the gay community and I'm sure the horror's they encounter with peoples comments.

Mike and Mike said...

When I get a horid comment, I will most certainly share! Thus far, we've really had no comments. But then again, we're also pretty much house bound for a while.

This, however, has not stopped both Mike and I from thinking about these scenarios. Eventually, an off-putting or offensive comment will be made. Until that happens, we really don't know how we will react. And like you, we have been hardwired with the FU factor.

This is all new territory.


Baby Dreams said...

When my husband and I were first expecting Twins we were in Toys R Us.
We just had a blast in there. When we went to check out I read a sign that said expectant parents would receive a free gift for registering. So I asked the girl at the check out about it.
She was about 20. She told me matter of fact that this gift is for the women who is pregnant, looking at me as if I was some old bag. I said, "you mean THE MOTHER?"
There was a lineup by now..the look on her face

Mark is your child.

If people choose to assume differently..then that is their problem to deal with, not yours.

Enjoy your son, and family.

Sophia said...

I know the feeling, I am Mexican and my husband is white. We have two children a boy and a girl. I am very tan, brown eyes and brown hair. My daughter is very light and has blonde hair and blue eyes so everywhere we go people ask if they are my kids. I finally ordered a shirt that says "I am NOT the Nanny". People just laugh when they see me now.