Tuesday, August 25, 2009

THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES AND SURROGACY

Most people know who have read my posts know that our son Mark was born in India. In my quiet moments, I ask myself if I knew then what I know now, would I have gone to India. Honestly, I don't think I would have, I just would have been too afraid. The realities of surrogacy are the following: some clinics use prositutes as I have been informed by a prominent agency, some where the doctors are not doctors at all, but hairdressers, some clinics who do not synchronize the egg donor with the surrogate, surrogates extorting intended parents, clinics not being honest about pricing, surrogates aborting embroyos early in the pregnancy, surrogates who did not take the meds correctly before the transplant, lost sperm, and the list goes on. No one particular clinic is at fault, as no human being is able to police all of this activity, but the buyer must beware.

I would advise anyone to do as much research as you can on whatever clinic you choose, should you need the services of a third world country. The process is not an easy one and should not be entered lightly. If someone tells you that it is easy, run!! Most of us have had many sleepless nights and are filled with anxiety when doing business with someone who is thousands of miles away. With that said, all things are possible and many, many people have children in third world countries but you MUST, find someone who has already gone through the process, and let them guide you to ask the right questions of the clinic that you wish to do business with.

We are still in the process of deciding what is the best way for us to get a sibling for Mark, as we had a negative in July. As the late M. Scott Peck said.
"Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."

11 comments:

Amani said...

But how do we get correct information about clinics/agencies?

We know there is extortion going on, we also know clinics can do all of the above you mention, but how do we prove it? Even if IPs go public with their personal negatives, experiences, as I have done, they get shunned by the various clinic-loving diehards who cannot see that just because their treatment might have been excellent, not everyone has the same experience. Not only that, some clinics threaten legal action against the IPs if they dare say anything that could be even remotely construed as defamatory.

You can't say anything negative on the main forums, all of which are affiliated with a particular surrogacy service provider, or you get booed and hissed at, then booted off the forum.

If you say it on your blog you get the groupies posting abusive anonymous comments - while behind the scenes there is so much fear, mistrust and feelings of betrayal which you only find out through emails - in many cases from "quieter" clients who have their own horror stories to tell, but won't do so because of fear of retribution.

crystal said...

Amani,

The easiest way to address what is happening is that a forum should be set up where people feel that it is a totally safe place to vent. Even if you have to get people's telephone numbers and call them back to prove that they are who they say they are. No one has to prove that these things are happening in India, I get e-mails all the time from people who will not use the forums, asking for advice, and people wanting to go to India with me, because they are scared. You are correct that if you say anything that is not positive on most of the forums, you feel the wrath of people. Many people are being taken advantage of with the surrogacy process in India and they do truly need a place to go to for advice as well as someone to walk through the process with them.

Amani said...

But wasn't that forum where everyone was promised they could speak in safety just happen?

And within a month, it became affiliated with a service provider? And its members were very unhappy, and when they expressed their unhappiness, they got banned.

All so the admin could make some easy bucks?

I would happily set up a free, locked and and forum, but I can't. i am too far into this journey. i have my own opinions.

Yes, I get loads of emails all the time as you do. Scared people, people who have been done over, emotionally and financially.

My only suggestion is to find a non-surogacy in India person to set up a forum. I am out of answers.

crystal said...

Surrogacy is getting even bigger in India and I think that each clinic should have an ambassador/ consultant. They need to have people from the US as well as Australia who can hand hold for that clinic. I have to say that the clinics in India are doing a poor job with communication, accounting, and the list goes on. If they do not rectify this, it will not be long before another country runs them right out of business. The majority of people I believe are very unhappy with the process, even those who have come back with babies.

Stephaniekb said...

Amen to your last comment, Crystal. Thanks for posting this. I have to do some very serious thinking about whether I'd recommend this to someone else, knowing what I know now, and yet, for those who want an infant, there aren't many other good options. As long as there are people who want babies, there will be people who want to help, and people who want to take advantage of them. Simple fact of life.

Jon said...

Crystal

You are probably right about all this stuff (although it would be fair to provide some credible sources for some of these things so as not to scare off prospective clients completely) but the questios is "what are our other options?" Not many. Right now India is the only country that offers economical and unregulated surrogacy to Westerners. This could change any minute. If India pulls the plug on this option, what option will Western IPs have?

Baby Dreams said...

Oh Crystal,

I feel your pain. The sad part of everything is there is nothing we can do but try and educate people the best that we can. Tell them what we know, what we've experienced, and they must make the decision on their own. At least it will be a much more educated decision then we had.

Hugs

George said...

thanks and good luck for november
Dr Shivani is great your in good hands

G

montana2us said...

oh my...
this is day two since i discovered surrogacy in india. as soon as i learned of this process i got on the internet, researched and was immediately contacted by an agency who directed me to dr. shivani. since them it has been a roller coster ride of emotions between elation and scared out of my wits. i have 6 frozen embryos here in the states that i will have send via cyro-courier to india for the surrogacy procedure. in theroy this sounds fine; in actuality sending my precious little ones off, by themselves into the hands of an unknown terrifies me. i actually want to take them there, in my hands, myself and deliver them personally and even then, once they are out of my sight, the amount of trust i have to place in a process going through from start to completion is a tremendous leap of faith. but as princess leah said, "we need you obi-knobe you are our only hope." thank you so much for the posting, please keep me in the loop

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