It looks like I am headed to India within the next week. Actually, the weather here on the East Coast is getting cold, so a little warm weather is welcomed. It will be nice to get the temperature of what is happening in the surrogacy community from those on the land in India. I will keep you all posted.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE, INDIA AND SURROGACY!
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| Mark's Rocket Ship |
For those of you who have followed our journey, Mark will be 5 on Tuesday and the twins will be 3 on December 20th. Mark is a genius according to us, Elle runs our home and Alec has an A personality. Well what does that say about us...for those of you who know us...you fill in the blanks.
I decided to write this post for many reasons. One a number of you always email me asking when will you post, and secondly due to the climate of surrogacy in India at this time. I really want to give a shout out to Dr. Patel because she always holds the mantle that eludes many when surrogacy in India is discussed. For those of us who have traveled this road I can say that we are tired of the voices that have never traveled our journey to talk about exploitation of surrogates yet have no idea how many intended parents or better known as IPs have been exploited. We do not ask for any one's sympathies because we all embark on this journey desperate and wholeheartedly hoping for a connection with the best of humanity.
Often I wonder to myself, what role do intended parents play in this story. Is it fair to ask the doctors to house the surrogates for 8-9 months? Are we paying the surrogates what the market will bare? Are the doctors truly exploiting the surrogates? I am concerned when people open business and facilitate and have never even had a surrogate anywhere in the world. The answer to these questions are a mixed bag.
I have openly stated that our surrogate was not housed for the entire period of time in Gujarat, because she did not need to be. We were fortunate enough to have had a surrogate who worked in the medical field in India. I personally do not feel that all surrogates need to be housed, although I do work with doctors who do feel that the should be housed. The problem comes into play if a doctor tells their intended parents that their surrogates are housed, when they are not. I have intended parents tell me that they have worked with doctors and did undercover work on their own only to find that their surrogate was not being housed, however they were charged for housing. If you are concerned about your surrogate not getting the payment that you think is fair then it is incumbent upon you to if at all possible to hand the surrogate extra funds privately.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Parliment and Surrogacy
Those of us in the surrogacy world have been emailing each other back and forth, wondering what will happen next in India. Well I am being told, that the Parliament may vote on allowing gay and single people to either pursue or not pursue surrogacy within the next 48 hours. As intended parents you still have options outside of your country. World of Surrogacy will continue working with India, as long as they continue to allow surrogacy. For our clients who are single and gay, if this option is cut off to you we are pursing surrogacy in Mexico and if need be Thailand as well.
Let's wait and see what the vote is!
Let's wait and see what the vote is!
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
India's Loss...for single and gay couples!
Sad news today for singles and gay couples---
New Delhi: India’s long-awaited surrogacy Bill will disqualify homosexual couples, foreign single individuals and couples in live-in relationships from having children through surrogate mothers in India. The law also imposes age restrictions on surrogate mothers.
The proposed draft Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART) Bill—the first attempt by India to regulate commercial surrogacy—is likely to be presented to the cabinet on Thursday before being introduced in Parliament.
Critics said the strict norms of the proposed ART Bill will see the activity moving to more conducive destinations such as Thailand. Surrogacy is a method of reproduction where a woman—the surrogate—agrees to carry a pregnancy to term for a fee.
In January, the home ministry had barred homosexuals and foreign single individuals.
“I do not understand why the law has to be discriminatory towards unmarried foreigners when unmarried Indians are allowed this facility,” said Ritu Bakshi, chairperson of the International Fertility Centre in Delhi.
“It is fair to expect that surrogacy should be allowed in the country of the commissioning couple because citizenship of the child becomes an issue otherwise. Other than this, many restrictions imposed are not encouraging for business. A majority of our clients are from foreign countries. To expect this sector to not have commercial interest is naïve. Surrogacy is very expensive across the world,” she added.
The current version of the draft law has undergone several modifications after inputs from the law ministry and the ministry of external affairs after recent diplomatic incidents.
“The sector is fraught with ethical and legal issues which the Bill seeks to address,” said R.S. Sharma, deputy director general and member secretary of the drafting committee of the proposed legislation, Indian Council of Medical Research( ICMR).
“In its current form, the Bill addresses all issues pertaining to ethics in commercial surrogacy. The health ministry’s mandate was very clear—this Bill is only to help infertile couples and should act as a deterrent to commercial surrogacy,” he said.
According to a 2012 study by the Confederation of Indian Industry (CII), the sector is worth $2 billion, despite being completely unregulated. The CII study estimated that nearly 10,000 foreign couples visit India for reproductive services and nearly 30% are either single or homosexual.
In earlier versions—in 2008 and 2010—the ART Bill relied on contract law to establish a relationship between the commissioning parents and the clinic. In the current version, the Bill states that a professional surrogate will be hired by a government-recognized ART Bank and not private fertility clinics, the current practice.
The compensation, as per the 2013 draft, will be a private negotiation between the surrogate mother and commissioning parents.
“The IVF (in-vitro fertilization) clinics or ART banks will have no role to play in this contract. Currently, IVF clinics decide the amount and pay the surrogate mother a portion. This could be exploitative and so we have changed this provision,” Sharma said.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Evolutionary Musings Of A Black Woman
My life is multifaceted as is everyone else. In light of what has happened in the USA in regards to Paula Deen and Trayvon Martin, I wanted to share my thoughts, even if no one asked.
I Am My Father's Daughter.
My father has been deceased for more than 25 years. He was born October 1907, in Florida and was adopted in his early years. He and my mom decided to adopt four of us in the 60′s, when it was extremely unusual for anyone on their fifties to journey down that path. My father loved listening to the pundits, and watching politicians get caught up in scandal and try to wiggle their way out.
I remember getting into heated debates with my father regarding poverty, race, religion and the South. For years after his death whenever I heard the song The Living Years, I thought about my father and us not seeing eye to eye.
Fast forward to the present. At 50 this once young college socialist is still evolving. These past few weeks definitely have had me thinking about politics, race and religion. The hypocrisy of the media as well as the pundits has been astounding to me in regards to Paula Deen, Trayvon Martin and Zimmerman. My thoughts are as long as people the world over call people outside of their names, then we cannot make assumptions or judge others. In the case of Paula Deen, her case is obviously about money. If Paula Deen said “Nigger”, and did not have any money, there would not be case. What’s ironic is that the person suing her is not African American. The media had a field day with this story, and many of her sponsors dropped her. The truth of the matter is that the media as well as many of her sponsors are not interested in race relations, unless it will boost their ratings or money is to be gained. I am not saying what she said is politically correct, nor am I saying that I approve of calling people Nigger. When White Americans start using the vernacular interchangeably among themselves, only then will the word lose power.
Although the media nor has anyone else has asked me my opinion regarding the Trayvon Martin case, well we all have one. Travon Martin did not deserve to die. I do believe it was an accident, and what can we learn from that. First off, here in the USA, too many people have guns that should not be carrying them. Secondly, Zimmerman and Paula Deen should not be the punching bag for wait ails the Black community. Facebook and Twitter is filled with pundits twitting about the racism of our country. If these same pundits as well as the media would reframe the discussion on what to do at large to help our communities in this country that have major issues, and show how this impacts us all globally. A good example of this was Ms. Rachel Jeantel. We have an African Amerian woman, who did not finish high school, and who did not know how to purport herself in a court of law. Ms. Jeantel also stated that her parents pay her bills. Our community is filled with young people who are jobless. When on the Piers Morgan show he asked her if their was anything that she really wanted to say while she was on the stand in court, and all she could say was “Nigga”, I thought what a sad state for this country. That this 19 year old woman could not articulate anything else but that. The majority of African American children are born in homes with one parent. In the inner-cities the dropout rates for minorities are close to 50% and higher. The unemployment rate is staggering, and crimes in most inner cities are committed by minorities against minorities usually drug-related. African American parents especially need to have a heart to heart talk with themselves. We are responsible for raising our children! I can say this because as an adopted child, my birthmother had 13 children, and only the four of us that were adopted were not raised by the streets. Of the remaining nine, only one turned out. The rest live off of the system and are in and out of jail or are on drugs. You cannot blame racism for that.
Why is the media and the talking heads, not taking these issues on? The answer is because the picture is not pretty, and no one generally wants to hear it. Sensationalism sells, and people buy it lock step and barrel. I realized that if my father were here today, we would have agreed on the story of Paula Deen and Tayvon Martin.
I Am My Father's Daughter.
My father has been deceased for more than 25 years. He was born October 1907, in Florida and was adopted in his early years. He and my mom decided to adopt four of us in the 60′s, when it was extremely unusual for anyone on their fifties to journey down that path. My father loved listening to the pundits, and watching politicians get caught up in scandal and try to wiggle their way out.
I remember getting into heated debates with my father regarding poverty, race, religion and the South. For years after his death whenever I heard the song The Living Years, I thought about my father and us not seeing eye to eye.
Fast forward to the present. At 50 this once young college socialist is still evolving. These past few weeks definitely have had me thinking about politics, race and religion. The hypocrisy of the media as well as the pundits has been astounding to me in regards to Paula Deen, Trayvon Martin and Zimmerman. My thoughts are as long as people the world over call people outside of their names, then we cannot make assumptions or judge others. In the case of Paula Deen, her case is obviously about money. If Paula Deen said “Nigger”, and did not have any money, there would not be case. What’s ironic is that the person suing her is not African American. The media had a field day with this story, and many of her sponsors dropped her. The truth of the matter is that the media as well as many of her sponsors are not interested in race relations, unless it will boost their ratings or money is to be gained. I am not saying what she said is politically correct, nor am I saying that I approve of calling people Nigger. When White Americans start using the vernacular interchangeably among themselves, only then will the word lose power.
Although the media nor has anyone else has asked me my opinion regarding the Trayvon Martin case, well we all have one. Travon Martin did not deserve to die. I do believe it was an accident, and what can we learn from that. First off, here in the USA, too many people have guns that should not be carrying them. Secondly, Zimmerman and Paula Deen should not be the punching bag for wait ails the Black community. Facebook and Twitter is filled with pundits twitting about the racism of our country. If these same pundits as well as the media would reframe the discussion on what to do at large to help our communities in this country that have major issues, and show how this impacts us all globally. A good example of this was Ms. Rachel Jeantel. We have an African Amerian woman, who did not finish high school, and who did not know how to purport herself in a court of law. Ms. Jeantel also stated that her parents pay her bills. Our community is filled with young people who are jobless. When on the Piers Morgan show he asked her if their was anything that she really wanted to say while she was on the stand in court, and all she could say was “Nigga”, I thought what a sad state for this country. That this 19 year old woman could not articulate anything else but that. The majority of African American children are born in homes with one parent. In the inner-cities the dropout rates for minorities are close to 50% and higher. The unemployment rate is staggering, and crimes in most inner cities are committed by minorities against minorities usually drug-related. African American parents especially need to have a heart to heart talk with themselves. We are responsible for raising our children! I can say this because as an adopted child, my birthmother had 13 children, and only the four of us that were adopted were not raised by the streets. Of the remaining nine, only one turned out. The rest live off of the system and are in and out of jail or are on drugs. You cannot blame racism for that.
Why is the media and the talking heads, not taking these issues on? The answer is because the picture is not pretty, and no one generally wants to hear it. Sensationalism sells, and people buy it lock step and barrel. I realized that if my father were here today, we would have agreed on the story of Paula Deen and Tayvon Martin.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
My Friend--Happy Father's Day!
As a proud IVF father, what appeal can a father have? After personally already going through years of issues
with infertility or dysfertility, it is about legitimizing the IVF children so that their rights can be ensured and protected. No one is looking for accolades, just looking for justice and relief for victims. This father's day, I long to see my IVF children together. After the years of struggle and pain too big to capture in words, a proud IVF father's appeal is to see his IVF children united. To isolate this as a "personal case" is a disservice to all, especially the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings. The fact is because of inadequate laws which have not caught up with the realities of technology today is why innocent, voiceless IVF siblings are separated. What are we doing about it to change the laws? I can hear the din in the background of "just letting be" and those people fail to realize that if a person is NOT loving, compassionate, someone who respects human decency and rights, equality for all, and other things, this situation would not have arisen in the first place. And then to have a repeat strategy of "it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission" creating innocent victims including children is WRONG. This case is a gross violation of not just prevailing laws but what we as a humanity stand for. While morals and ethics cannot be legally enforced, can prevailing laws be enforced?
with infertility or dysfertility, it is about legitimizing the IVF children so that their rights can be ensured and protected. No one is looking for accolades, just looking for justice and relief for victims. This father's day, I long to see my IVF children together. After the years of struggle and pain too big to capture in words, a proud IVF father's appeal is to see his IVF children united. To isolate this as a "personal case" is a disservice to all, especially the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings. The fact is because of inadequate laws which have not caught up with the realities of technology today is why innocent, voiceless IVF siblings are separated. What are we doing about it to change the laws? I can hear the din in the background of "just letting be" and those people fail to realize that if a person is NOT loving, compassionate, someone who respects human decency and rights, equality for all, and other things, this situation would not have arisen in the first place. And then to have a repeat strategy of "it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission" creating innocent victims including children is WRONG. This case is a gross violation of not just prevailing laws but what we as a humanity stand for. While morals and ethics cannot be legally enforced, can prevailing laws be enforced? What values would you teach your child as a father?
Love : As per a recent study, a male spouse is 6 times more likely to abandon or leave their spouse when diagnosed with a traumatic medical condition. A male spouse, I did NOT leave an intersex marriage when discovering it during the marriage. Instead he stayed on as a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex in silence under threats suffering grave torture and abuse while placing personal career ambitions on HOLD. Is this love? Is that something you wish to espouse in your son or daughter?
Compassion : As per another survey, there are 65.7 Million Americans who are family caregivers with a makeup of 67% women to 33% men, less than 13% are spousal caregivers, and less than 4% are young caregivers. Thus making a young, male, spouse caregiver a significantly LOW fraction. Is that compassion? Is that something you wish to espouse in your son or daughter? To complicate things further, the medical condition is intersex which is dealt with high levels of secrecy and lying both at an individual level and at an institutional level. We have entered the "unknown" at this point.
Infertility or Dysfertility : Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgender, Intersex (LGBTI) experience infertility or dysfertility. Some opt for IVF, a medical treatment, to help such people among others. IVF is not for ALL because of its costs. As a budding IVF father, I worked extra hours and extra jobs to SAVE money and able to afford IVF as a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex. Is there an "I" in infertility during marriage? Is that something you wish to espouse in your son or daughter?
Caring : Because of the ongoing medical treatment, it was NOT possible for the intersex spouse to care for the infant. Becoming the primary care provider for the infant came naturally as a proud IVF father. I carved jobs allowing telecommuting so that I can care for my son while placing career ambitions on HOLD. All this in silence as did NOT want to spill the "family secrets" to anyone. Is that caring both for the infant and the spouse? Is that something you wish to espouse in your son or daughter?
Laws : As per prevailing US Immigration laws, LGBTI spouses cannot sponsor their immigrant spouses in the US. Yet, we have an intersex person who has immigrated to the US based on a marriage which is not considered legally valid. Is that legal? Should other LGBTI immigrants continue for their EQUAL rights or should they stop and use this case as a precedence to get their rights? What would you espouse in your son or daughter - to break the laws or change the laws for greater good?
Laws : As per prevailing US Immigration laws, a "biological link" with the sponsoring parent is required for a child born outside the US to bring the child to the US. For immigrants, an added requirement is that of gender where the parent has to be "mother". Between two genetic males, only one being the biological father, who is the "legal mother" for an IVF child born outside the US? While this case brings to the forefront several disparities in laws and lack of respect for basic human rights, what will you do and what will you teach your child to usher in change - break the laws or change the laws?
As a hard-working immigrant who went to the US at 17 years of age, espoused basic respect for human rights, showed love, compassion, and care is now being targeted and victimized and even worse his innocent IVF children are being victimized for crimes they did not commit. In the 1940s to 70s during the baby scoop era, innocent children were taken away from their mothers because their only fault was being born to a "single mother"...how times have changed now including governments apologizing for this behavior. Today, is the only fault of IVF children to be born to a "IVF father"...maybe when gay parenting, single male parenting seems "mainstream", an IVF father can hope to get his rights. Worse, his children's rights - a brother and sister childhood may have expired by then....just like the apologies of today DO NOT help the innocent children of the "baby scoop era" will NOT help the IVF children. Because the TRUTH eventually does come out, it is unstoppable by any court order. What is the best interest of the child?
It started with a simple lie of cheating and fraud of an unsuspecting victim living in the US looking at the good in everyone. Intersex is a genetic condition meaning it is not in the person's control but being honest or lying about is in their control, especially in the sanctity of marriage. Leaving a spouse of intersex to deal with the effects of intersex with NO help and support and forcing him into silence is torture and abuse. There is secrecy and lying in every marriage, just ask any married or divorced couple but what if secrecy and lying is BREAKING the LAWS? Despite what the so-called "experts" want to teach our children, it is NOT only love, compassion, caring, and other "emotional things" but teach your children to OBEY laws at all times. If they are GOOD people and cannot bear seeing someone's basic human rights being violated, then teach them to STILL OBEY the laws while working to CHANGE the laws. If they try to give human rights to someone where laws itself falls short, they will be punished and worse their innocent children will be punished for crimes they did not commit. As the saying goes, "Don't try this at home, kids".
As far as my IVF son goes, I wonder what values will he learn without me being allowed to participate actively in his life? Will he learn love, compassion, caring, truth, honesty, respect for laws?
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